Saturday, November 17, 2012

Our Romance Night

The girls decided after dinner that they were going to make a romantic night for their daddy and me.  It was sweet....and pretty funny.  While I was doing dishes, Makayla and Hannah coached Greg to give me compliments and talk romantically.

They had us sit at the table and gave us a place setting.  The centerpiece was a cup of flower pens and a plaque from Olivia's funeral.  Definitely falls into the "it's the thought that counts" category, haha!  Notice the half eaten banana in the background.
"Greg" also provided snacks for us and gave me a love note that says "Your Pretty" written in pink glitter glue.  An apple was added later but did not make the photo
"I" then gave Greg his romance snack and love picture (?)  He also was given an apple later.
Also, each time we were instructed to kiss, they tore up paper and threw it at us like confetti.  What a romantic night.  The whole time Claire was just inches away covered in her own yogurt and laughing randomly.  I love these girls :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Supermodel Syndrome

Let me tell you a little story about a thing called supermodel syndrome.  I'm not sure that this is an actual term but in my world, it totally is!  Supermodel syndrome (by my definition) is the feeling of feeling just amazing, fabulous and confident with who you are.

I experience supermodel syndrome in different situations.  My favorite is right after I have a baby.  Those girls came out of me and whoa!  I thought I was back to "normal" size in my mind.  I don't have a huge belly anymore, my boobs are all huge and swollen from being engorged and my happy hormones are going through the roof.  I feel like a whole new person, an even better "me."  This tends to linger for me for about 2 weeks, then I have a reality check in the mirror.  I see that my stomach is loose and all that extra weight gained that didn't go away.

My other key time for supermodel syndrome is when I am exercising.  I started working out with Beachbody Programs a couple of years ago but got really serious about them again just a few months ago.  I recently started Chalean Extreme, Shakeology and also ordered TurboFire.  I am in love love love with it all and best of all....supermodel syndrome is back!  Haha, I know that my size has not changed too much but those endorphins do a brain some good :)  I love the feeling of a stronger/confident me.  My supermodel syndrome has faded in the last few days so I need to tweak something to get it back and I will!

So, according to my theory, in order to have this phenomenon happen to you one of 2 things are needed.  You can either have a baby or get to exercising!  I will add that I do not think I am the prettiest, skinniest, fittest person in the world but I do what I need to do to feel fabulous with who I am :)  Tell me what gives you your own "supermodel syndrome"

Friday, November 2, 2012

Yep, this happened to me

It has been a strange week of reminders that we did actually lose a baby.  I do not know how to say it clearly but there are times that I just sit back and think "wow, that really did happen to our family!"

Makayla has been learning math sentences and writing out math problems from a story at school.  One day this week she was saying different scenarios and adding them together and they went something like this:
          "If Mommy had one baby and then had another baby then she had two babies."
          "If Mommy had two babies then had another baby and that baby died, then she still has 2 babies.....right mommy?"
And this is the reality for my sweet little 6 year old.  She has really tried since she was 3 to wrap her head around this reality we are all forced to deal with.

I found myself looking at a picture of a family with 4 kids and thought of how great it looked.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I have an issue with an odd number of children.  I know that in my heart I have 4 children, I have carried 4 babies and held them all in my arms.  I can hardly look at pictures of our family of 5.  I have a picture on our wall of the 5 of us from when Claire was just a couple of months old and have probably looked at it a handful of times.  In fact, I only look at it when I am pointing out to people how fat I look in it.  Anyway, got off subject a little bit!  I so badly want another baby to "even up" our family, Greg is not against this but he says that even with another baby we will always feel like one is missing.  I know that and I'm not thinking of a "replacement baby" but I cry every time I think about Claire growing up without her sister that is close in age :(

My other reminder was tonight.  I was reading a story about a baby that had died shortly after she was born.  I was looking at the pictures of this beautiful little girl with no sign of defect to be seen.  I had the same feeling of disconnect that I had to these situations before Olivia's diagnosis.  I was reading and thinking that it would be horrible to have a baby, hold her and then just have her gone one day.  Then suddenly a hard lump that I just couldn't swallow popped up in my throat.  My disconnection from it all was gone and once again I was feeling compassion.  I also am that mother that knows the pain of saying goodbye too soon. 

Although I am typing this about specifics, I do think of her everyday pretty much continually.  I can't explain it but I know my fellow BLM's understand.